Christmas Under Lights

When Christmastime (is that a word? Two words? I really don't know..) rolls around I  anxiously await one thing: a christmas play. I know, I know. You're thinking, "A Christmas play? What kind of weirdo are you? You could love cookies, presents, dinners, anything, and you're excited about a play?" And the answer is: YES. 

Allow me to explain.

For the past 5 years I've been heavily involved in my church's Christmas play. Acting is something that I've always enjoyed and getting to use that ability for The Lord is something I take much pride and joy in. 

This year the program director asked if I would head up the play. I was honored. For the past 3 years I've been acting (previous 2 singing in the choir) and I loved the idea of getting to help see and create the vision for a program that has the potential to change lives. What I didn't consider what the stress, anxiety, frustration and anger that would come with the job. Satan filled my mind and my heart with all sorts of doubts:

- you're doing this wrong.

- that doesn't work.

- can I even do this?

- is it worth it?

- give. up.

But the grace of God saw me through this chaotic time, and made something beautiful. The dialogue, the music, the hearts of all those involved. It all came together to create this wonderful production and we were able to witness God's grace and goodness to hundreds of people. 

I don't know how you spent your Christmas season. Perhaps it was chaotic. Maybe it was calm. Maybe you faced temptations and frustrations like me. Maybe you were filled with much happiness and joy. -- Whatever the season may have brought you. Know that you are not the only one. 

Spending my Christmas under lights was a blessing. God, through the words of a character, spoke to me and changed my heart. As we approach this new year, I pray that no matter what struggles we face or storms we go though, that we seek God more and pray earnestly.

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and pray 2015 brings you so many opportunities to praise Him. 

-- Olivia 

Poison and Wine

Anyone who knows me knows I LOVE The Civil Wars. Maybe you're familiar with them, too. If that's the case, then you already understand the title of this post, if you don't than allow me to explain...  Poison and Wine is the title of one of their more popular hits. It is very much a song of knowing what you're worth and what you need to do, despite how you may feel or what you may want. The chorus sings, "I don't love you, but I always will." For me, this song is not about a friend, or my boyfriend, or even my family, but about my battle with my emotions. I suffer from feelthingstoomuchtoodeepitis. Maybe you suffer from this, as well. What is it? Instability of emotions. Uncontrollable feelings. When someone is just a little upset, I am livid. When most people are sad, I am devastated. And something most people wouldn't pout over, you can probably find me sobbing about. -- this is my biggest curse, and yet also a blessing. 

I don't love you, but I always will. 

I don't love that this is a problem for me, but I will also always be thankful. Because on the opposite side of this, something you may find pretty cool, I find the be absolutely thrilling. And what may make you smile, makes me heart literally beat happiness. Unfortunately, my life is not all smiles and happiness and sunshine, and way too often I am letting the petty problems and people (even strangers) in my life run me over and cause me to feel so deeply. 

What's my point in all this? If this is a problem for you, I pray for you. I know what it feels like to be up early hours crying about something ridiculous, or dreading going to sleep because you don't want your happiness to end. I pray you can find a peace in your life and I pray for stability for you. I know, from personal experience, that having feelings so deep is overwhelming. Can't eat, can't sleep, can't think. It's stressful stuff. 

But there is Hope.

No matter what I may be feeling, I am thankful for a Savior that died for all my sin and shame. And a Lord that looks down upon me, no matter what I may be feelings and says, "I love you, Child. Things will be better, in My time." I must learn to trust in God's timing and have faith in His ability to bring peace.

Do you suffer? Do you spend (too many) hours upset about things beyond your control? Angry at things you can't change? Believe me, I've been there.  

Consider the blameless, observe the upright; there is a future for the man of peace. - Psalm 37:37

There will be a day when the burdens of the World can no longer harm me and you. 

I encourage you to listen to te song. I'll leave a link at the bottom of this post. As you listen use that time to reflect on things in your life that are causing you to hurt and figure out ways to eliminate them. 

And for the one person who may stumble across this post, I hope something I've said encourages you and sheds light on your life. 

-- Olivia 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WfzRlcnq_c0 -- Poison and Wine: The Civil Wars 

Animal, Anger, and Attitude

First things first, I hope that the corny title doesn't throw you off for the tone of this post. It will make sense in the long run. -- So, the past 72 hours (not really, just anytime I'm in my car) I've been listening to Cassadee Pope do an awesome cover of Motley Crüe's "Animal." While you may think finding inspiration in a song by the Crüe is seriously deranged, it really hit me today. 

The chorus sings, "It's an ache that never heals. It's the deepest cut you feel. It's the thing in you that feeds the animal in me." // While the song (I believe) is written about a relationship, I really relate to it on a whole other level. 

So here's the backstory. -- I get really angry when I see that someone has something I want, and that anger doubles when I can tell that they are unappreciative of what I would love to have. This is a reoccurring thing in my life, specifically with people close to me. They live their lives and don't even realize how great they have it. "It's the thing in you that feeds the animal in me." I am allowing these things to build up inside and consume my mind, as well as waste my time. I have spent so much time attempting to control what is beyond me, that I have become the very thing I despise, and have neglected the blessings of my own life. 

Proverbs 14:30 A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones. 

My hope and prayer is that I can overcome my attitude towards things beyond my control, and learn to be more appreciate of the people and situations in my own life. 

-- Olivia

New Things

Well, after a while of battling the thoughts in my head telling me, "Don't do it," "They'll think you're stupid," and "It's going to be lame." I finally started up a blog. Why? Because I have a lot to say, and whether or not anyone listens, well, that's not up to me.. However, sharing what I feel is good and truthful or maybe just happy and funny, is something I can control, so there you have it. // Have you ever come across someone who could just ramble on for a long time about a topic and they probably had good points, maybe even great, but it just wasn't the appropriate time or place? Well, whatever that may be defined as, just call me the Queen of it. Maybe you can relate. Oh -- and to the one person that may stumble across this. I hope you find it to brighten your day. While watching the news earlier today, in the entire hour span, there was not a single story of good news. It saddens me to know that this is the kind of world we live in, when we no longer have any good news to share. So, here's one girls attempt to change that. May something you stumble across on here make you laugh, smile, cry, feel something. Anything. With all that being said, I'll end on what I consider to be a positive note and give you a little bit about me.

My name is Olivia. I am so in love with a man named Nick. (whom you will hear a lot of, just FYI)

He brings me constant happiness, and I could not be more delighted. I come from a big family. I have 5 sisters and a brother. They are: Tucker (15), Rebekah (13), Kyle (10), Nora Kate (7), Christen (6) and Quinn (4). Our small village is raised by nurse and sheriff's deputy, both of which are incredibly great examples of hard work. And you'll probably hear a good bit about all of  them, as well. I attend South Calhoun: a small, Baptist church on the corner or River and Pine street in Calhoun, Ga. I love to sing. If you were to ever drive by me, you would seriously question the ability to take me seriously due to the extreme facial expressions from singing to the top of my lungs. No shame, though. I love working with kids, and hope to be able to teach music full time, eventually. I am thankful for a very small circle of true friends, whom I am very grateful for. Well, that's enough rambling for one post, as I'm sure more about myself and my life will unravel in the posts to follow.

-- Olivia